A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
Albert Einstein
A few years ago in an effort to still religious unrest in the south, the government of Thailand littered its land with thousands of origami peace birds. Whether this actually happened, I have no idea. Nor do I imagine that the warring has ceased. Still, when I wonder about death, this lovely gesture comes to mind. Discovering the meaning of death or its preceding life is difficult for those who understand how utterly illogical is the concept of heaven. My mania stems from vain efforts to figure it out or to decide what I believe in. But in any case, I am calmed by simple truths. That by some miracle, I am alive. That I deep inside I feel the people around me. That Philadelphia is composed of ghosts. That some beings pleasant little hands folded those birds. That energy is neither created nor destroyed.
I wonder if the gesture of death is not unlike the birds. A littering upon the land of vibration, reverberation from which those plugged in to the source feed. Eyes open wide, we gather as many birds as our hands can hold and trudge forward. Inspired.
If in fact he believed in nothing, Hitchens might find these thoughts infuriating or laughable. They are both. In a doctor’s waiting room last week, I stumbled upon an article about the respective powers of optimism and pessimism. Said the article, by approaching all matters with an expectation of cataclysm, the pessimist sets him/herself up for the pleasure of surprise unavailable to others. It may then follow that Hitchens is in for a beautiful coup de theatre.
Somehow 12 plus 15 plus 11 equals eleven. Eleven has something to do with being visionary. Of course, 2011 has also been a shitty shitty year.
Today was the loveliest day ever. Joey and I were flowing down the mural and saw a bridge envisioning a flood. When we finally made it to Joey’s house, we saw the door was illustrious. When we walked into the house, his mom was captivating with a crowd. That’s when we saw an alligator in the pool occupying with Isadora Duncan. It was too much. Joey and I had to dance.
The summer was a difficult one. The weather was strange and they could not muster one day of pure unadulterated sunshine. She cried. Oh, she cried. Could not get the salt out of her eyes. And he, in his tough manly skin, pulled a wagon of expectation and responsibility. They could not figure out what happened. Holed up in her room, she tried. He did also, determined to figure everything out himself. But the wind kept blowing everything out of whack. They made cursory efforts to think about it together – he held her when she couldn’t sleep and she didn’t yell – but something always go in the way.
The rains would not stop coming.
The strangest thing happened on my way back to you. The sidewalk rose into a corkscrew. I had no option other than to follow its curve. Weaving its way through the streets of Philadelphia, it uncovered murals the world has never seen. Diego Rivera reminds the lovely couple smoking cigarettes outside the café of her face. Winded, weathered, field-aged and universe-endorsed, my Mexican grandmother distributed peace lilies from the basket on her arm. One by one we accept her gift and pass by. Apples behind her reflect the sun. We cease to forget where we come from.
I paused, to drink her in and noticed the freedom fighter walking my way. Alone, hardly visible, I watched the scene unfold. The man approached the smoking couple and pulled out his military identification card. For credibility. For entry into the street corner museum borne of Rivera’s gaze.
“A war hero I am. From Rochambeau, Algeria. Just arrived on foot, over the bridge from Jersey. Camden actually.” He pushed back his right sleeve to reveal a deep V-shaped scar that outlined the space between the bones of his forearm. To feel his pain, the girl moved her fingers along the bones. Inside his wrist, she felt his heart beat.
“I do not coming look for handouts. I do not drink. I do not smoke. I do not rummage dumpsters for my next meal.”
She held up her hand to stop him and pointed across the street, beyond my grandmother’s face to the corner’s bodega.
Before she could speak, he finished. “I have suffered. I am a war hero.”
“I have nothing,” answered the girl, “but if they take food stamps over there, I will share with you a meal.” Her date stared and taking another drag on his cigarette, he smiled. She will share with me also, he thought.
The freedom fighter and this young girl navigated the oncoming traffic. Like dancers, they crossed. He asked her name. “Grace,” answered she.
They ate apples and corn tamales. He made his way back over the bridge. The girl rejoined her date at the pretty cafe table that Rivera created.